Friday, March 25, 2011

Swim. Away.



Crusader Challenge 2!!!



Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional, and not part of the judging criteria), see if you can write the story in your own genre (eg if you’re a horror writer, write a horror story; a romance writer, a romance story, etc).


Here's mine - in 99...

Swim. Away.

The goldfish bowl teetered on dresser’s edge with Drew unbalance. I watch Oscar’s plight from the crook of Drew’s arm. Strong. Comforting.

Suffocating.

Drew. At school—my white knight. But when the beer kicks in, Drew-ski kicks out. Friends disappear. It’s just us. My room, his rules.

No is never an option.

Drew snorts, rolls over, and I’m free. Saving Oscar’s a pixie-leap away, but I don’t move.

Confined. Yet safe.

Freedom can be asphyxiating.

My thoughts oscillate between Drew, the bowl.

Familiarity.

The unknown.

Oscar jerks.

I can’t help but smile when the bowl shatters on the floor.

28 comments:

  1. This is an interesting challenge. I am going to have to try my hand at it :)

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  2. Wowsa. Talk about conflicted. Great job!

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  3. Awesome Alison. You draw a great picture of your characters in so few words.

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  4. Nice, Alison. I like your take on the trapped theme that the goldfish bowl conjures up, the literal confinement of Drew's arm and the metaphorical relationship woes.
    - Sophia.

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  5. I'm going to agree with Cally. Talk about inner conflict and struggle. Nice job!

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  6. Great piece! I enjoyed the inner conflict between the character.

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  7. Wow, way to bring in the tension. Poor girl.

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  8. Great work! It's so intense with the beer Drew-ski changing from a friend to a controlling drunk.

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  9. Nice tension and original take! :) Have a great weekend.

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  10. So glad I don't drink... From a tension standpoint, I love this, but as a "compassionate heart"... Ouch.

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  11. liked this - trapped- yet somehow liking it - familarity - the known - poor fish tho'!!

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  12. Lots of interesting emotions in this piece! I could feel the conflicts, the suffocation, somehow.

    Nice to meet you, Alison!

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  13. Okay, this was pretty cool - so many different images appeared in my head as I read it! Great job!

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  14. The ending made me smile too. Nice job.

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  15. Down with goldfish! Great job with the MC's emotional turmoil.

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  16. Wow. Poor girl. Poor fish. Boo, Drew.

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  17. Very intense! Great tension and inner conflict. Nicely done.

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  18. Wow, love the sparse language that conveys so much. I agree, though - poor fish!

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  19. Lots going on in this protag. Great internal conflict and tension. So much in only 99 words! Really well done.

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  20. Wow - so much in just 99 words. Very intense!

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  21. Wow! Intriguing and very intense scenario. Can't work out whether she's wishing for 'freedom' for the fish, as it's something she can't experience herself...or whether she just wants to see it suffer like she does...

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  22. This was really great. A lot of conflict. Great job!

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  23. Great job! A lot of conflict and so much emotion in just a few words. Loved it! :)

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  24. This was awesome! This is the second one I've come across and I love the voice and confliction you showed!!

    I'm co-host of the A-Z blogging challenge and wanted to stop in and say hello! You have a very fun blog! Should you have any questions just stop in and let us know!! I hope you stop by my blog to say hello! We are also having fun on twitter (you can find the link only blog)!

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  25. That's profound. Great voice, too :O)

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  26. You poured a lot of conflict into this one short scene. Very original too.

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  27. This is such a cool entry! Really original and great conflict. Well done :)

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