I couldn’t choose, peeps. Actually I could have discussed several other F words—Flirt, Freak, Foreplay—but I thought I’d just drop three F-bombs today.
Haha. Good thing I’m not getting a grade on this post, cause it’s gonna be completely F-ed up.
First up - Free Ballin’
So I started this story back in September about an eighteen-year old recovering manwhore with a, uh, “special ability” to get any girl he wants. I wrote 30K, took a break to revise another project, wrote another 25K before I had to break for revisions again. In a nutshell, the whole project’s swelled into a massive bulge of crazy, and so I’m taking time right now to re-outline, edit scenes, insert a few scenes, and kill others off.
Writing from a guy’s POV—it’s hard work. Sometimes it takes me a long time to get through a scene. Sometime’s the writing’s so stiff I need a tent to cover it up so no one else will see it.
But to be honest - I find I write the best stuff when I'm freeballing. Going commando. Uh-huh. I’m much better off when I let it all hang out.
In ANY piece of writing.
It’s so freeing. Just to write whatever comes to mind, unedited, unrated. And then I just go back and bleep out the bad parts.
So I’m back to writing my guys. I’m taking my daily shot of testosterone, creeping a few walls. Watching Friday Night Lights and reading amazing books like Swim the Fly.
Look out world - I'm strapping some on and lettin' 'em hang loose.
As for Feel Ups
I’m not talking the unwelcome ones you get from airport security or from the perv who just “brushes by” you. Nah. I’m talking the feel-good feel-ups. Like when someone’s unexpected compliment sends your spine into explosive tingles. Or makes your face flush and your heart race at an unfathomable rate.
Okay - so I probably just made up a whole new take on copping a feel, but I think it fits. For me, anyway. And while no one's touching me physically, some people are touching my heart. Lately I’ve received some blog awards, some pats on the back, unexpected thank you presents, and all-around fabulous praise. No, pervs - it's not sexually stimulating, but it does stimulate the writing. And makes me feel like I got one hot project going on.
Soooo - my Thursday feel-good feel up is for my Fantastic Followers. You're all Flippin' Fabulous and I'm so glad to know you. Some of you will be seeing some awards in your future.
Finally - Fakin’ It
I’ve been faking it a lot lately. Faking the smile when I really feel miserable. Faking the confidence when I’m convinced I suck. But as good an actress as I can be, sometimes it’s hard to muster believable excitement.
Somedays, when I'm feeling rather grumpy, I don't put on airs. I just bark at everyone in a mile radius and sulk until my frown's sagging to the floor.
Problem with that - well - no one wants to be around Debbie Downer. No one wants to be around someone who puts themselves down all the time. Most people like to be around people who are happy. And naively optimistic. And besides, sometimes when I feel low and I let myself be miserable, it just leads to more misery. Like I actually feel worse.(as if that could possibly happen)
But honestly, sometimes when you fake it—the grin, the confidence. I don’t know. You start to feel it. Like pretending I’m happy can sometimes make me feel happy.
So if you’re not feeling it, fake it. Chances are, the more you pretend, the more your little masquerade morphs into something real.
So, blog faithfuls, where are YOU today? Are you copping a feel or is someone feeling you up? Are you faking it? Letting yourself be free?
Um—PS—did anyone else have Fun writing their F-post today? I had a ball, or shall I say balls (haha).